I had the idea for this article when I listened to a conversation between Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan not long ago. The conversation and subject matter were interesting, but what really caught my attention was the discussion of COVID policies, climate change rhetoric, vaccine mandates, and censorship, the heavy topics that have colored so much of modern public life.
I did not agree with every point they made. However, what caught my attention was not the topics they discussed but the tactics used by those in authority regarding those issues.
I heard it woven throughout the arguments, policies, and justifications: fear, pressure, intimidation, and coercion.
It struck me how familiar it felt, not because of politics but because I see the same methods used daily in my world. I see it in hospitals, doctors’ offices, and sadly, even by some other midwives. These are places where consent is supposed to be sacred, where the highest values should be trust, partnership, and respect. Yet there it was, control pretending to be care.
I have seen it firsthand. I have watched women and families who dared to ask questions be labeled “difficult” or “noncompliant.” I have seen parents threatened, shamed, and emotionally strong-armed into choices they were not truly allowed to make or decline.
Once you recognize the tactic, you cannot unsee it.
Once you hear it, you cannot unhear it.
Once you experience it, whether you are a pregnant woman, a parent, a patient, or even a practitioner, you realize something far more insidious is happening than isolated incidents of “strong recommendations.”
When a patient, a parent, or anyone seeking care is told, “Do this or else,”
we are no longer talking about informed consent.
We are talking about compliance by coercion.
That is a line no provider, system, or culture should ever be willing to cross.
In this article, we will explore that uncomfortable truth, not just in the world of maternity care but in the broader culture, slowly teaching us to trade autonomy for obedience. We will examine how fear replaces consent, how shame replaces dialogue, and what is really at risk when speaking up starts to feel dangerous.
Because the first step to reclaiming real consent is radical but straightforward, we must name what is happening out loud.
The Rise of the Fear Playbook
It is not just happening in medicine. It is everywhere.
We see it in the way vaccines are debated. We see it in environmental policy messaging. We see it in corporate diversity training. Pick almost any major issue today, and you will find the same pattern: compliance is not earned through conversation. It is extracted through fear.
You do not even have to disagree to feel it.
- Ask the wrong question, and suddenly you are selfish.
- Hesitate before signing on, and you are ignorant.
- Offer a second opinion, and you are dangerous.
- Speak up too boldly, and you risk being silenced.
Whether the topic is public health, parenting, education, or climate change, it seems to matter less and less. The messaging is often eerily the same.
“Do what we say, or else.”
- Or else you are putting others at risk.
- Or else you are a threat to the community.
- Or else you will be punished, shamed, or excluded.
This is not a commentary on who is right or wrong about any particular issue. It is a commentary on how we are being told what is right. It is about the growing shift from informed dialogue to forced allegiance.
When fear becomes the primary persuasion tool, we lose not just the right to disagree.
We lose the right to think critically.
We lose the right to make informed decisions.
Eventually, we lose the ability to trust anything.
Genuine trust is built through honesty, transparency, and respect.
It cannot be bullied into existence.
It cannot survive in a culture where fear shouts louder than truth..
When That Playbook Hits the Birth Room
In my work as a midwife, I have seen that same fear-based playbook used on pregnant women and new parents. It cuts even deeper here because it does not just target your mind or your reputation. It targets your baby.
The pressure does not come in the form of a polite suggestion. It comes wrapped in urgency, layered with threat, and cloaked in just enough faux-compassion to make you doubt your instincts.
I have heard it too many times to count:
- “If you do not allow us to give the Hepatitis B shot, we will have to report you to Child Protective Services.”
- “If you refuse the Vitamin K injection, we will document it and notify pediatric authorities.”
- “If you decline the eye ointment, we will have to initiate a formal risk review.”
- “If you are not vaccinated, we cannot allow you to deliver here.”
- “If you leave now, it will be recorded as leaving Against Medical Advice, and the state may become involved.”
These are not conversations. These are ultimatums.
Parents are not being informed. They are being cornered.
The worst part is not the bluntness. It is the performance around it, the way the threats are often delivered with a gentle hand on the arm, a soft voice, and a look of regret, as if emotional coercion is simply another form of compassionate care.
It leaves parents trapped in an impossible emotional paradox. If you comply, you feel sick in your gut, knowing you were not truly free to choose. If you resist, you risk your child’s safety, legal standing, and ability to advocate in the future.
In those moments, real consent is not just undermined.
It is erased.
What is left behind is not partnership or trust.
It is fear, shame, and a deep, corrosive doubt that can linger long after the baby is born.
What We Lose When Fear Replaces Consent
This is not just about birth plans. It is not about whether someone chooses a shot, a test, or a treatment. It is about something much bigger; it’s about power.
Because when fear takes the place of informed consent, here is what we lose:
- The right to question
- The freedom to decline
- The safety to trust our instincts
- The dignity to make personal decisions without intimidation
We lose the heart of what true healthcare should be, a partnership, not a dictatorship.
Fear-based care does not protect people. It breaks trust. It fosters trauma. It transforms parents and patients into adversaries the moment they hesitate or push back.
It leaves families feeling like criminals for daring to advocate for their child. It creates an environment where asking a simple question feels dangerous, and saying “no” feels reckless.
And the damage does not end when the discharge papers are signed.
It lingers.
It shows up in postpartum depression that no one can explain.
It festers in silent birth trauma that families are too afraid to name.
It shapes future pregnancies with layers of unspoken fear.
It breeds anxiety, mistrust, and shame, the heavy kind that settles deep and does not lift easily.
When a woman walks out of a hospital more afraid of her provider than her pain, something fundamental has been broken.
Not just in that relationship, but in the larger culture of care.
Because birth is supposed to be a place of courage, of connection, and new beginnings.
It should never be a battleground where fear wins and trust dies.
But What If the Risk Is Real?
Let’s be honest. Sometimes the risks are serious.
Sometimes the interventions do save lives.
Sometimes the providers are not fearmongering. They are genuinely concerned, working with evidence, and trying to protect mothers and babies from outcomes no one wants to face.
The truth is, medical advice often comes from a place of real knowledge, real expertise, and genuine care.
And that matters.
There are moments when refusing a treatment or ignoring a warning could lead to tragedy.
There are moments when swift action makes the difference between safety and heartbreak.
But here is where we have to be even more careful, not less.
Because a real risk does not justify using fear as a weapon.
A valid concern does not excuse emotional manipulation.
A life-saving recommendation does not require intimidation.
Truth does not need to shout, threaten, or coerce to be heard.
Collaborative conversations are crucial when risks are real, honest, and respectful. Parents and patients need clear information delivered with compassion and humility, not pressure and guilt.
We can talk about the dangers of untreated infection without telling a mother she is killing her baby.
We can recommend a newborn vitamin K shot without implying that refusal makes a parent negligent.
We can explain the risks of RSV or pertussis without branding a hesitant family as dangerous.
There is a world of difference between informed urgency and manufactured panic.
There is a world of difference between concern and control.
Ethical care draws that line clearly.
Ethical care holds space for questions, even in hard conversations.
Ethical care respects autonomy, even when outcomes matter.
Ethical care does not weaponize fear to bulldoze decisions.
Informed consent means we trust patients with the truth, even when difficult.
It means we walk with them, not over them.
And it means we always remember that true protection can never be built on fear.
It can only be built on trust.
.
What Real Consent Looks (and Sounds) Like
Real consent does not sound like a threat. It does not feel like an ultimatum. It is not something that is extracted under pressure or fear.
Real consent sounds like this:
- “Here are your options.”
- “Here is the benefit. Here is the risk.”
- “Here is what we recommend, and here is why.”
- “What are your thoughts?”
- “Do you need time to decide?”
It is calm. It is clear. It is collaborative.
It is an invitation, not a command.
Real consent acknowledges that patients can understand risks when provided with information in a respectful manner. It trusts that parents love their children enough to take decision-making seriously without being bullied into agreement.
And yes, sometimes parents will still make choices that providers do not like.
Sometimes they will weigh the risks differently.
Sometimes they will choose the less recommended path.
That is the reality of genuine autonomy.
If the response to that choice is to punish, intimidate, withdraw care, or label the parent as reckless, then we are no longer talking about safety.
We are talking about control.
The goal of good care is not to force agreement. It is to provide space where people can make the best decisions they can, based on the best information available, in alignment with their values, needs, and circumstances.
That is not only ethical. It is essential.
Because when consent is real, trust grows.
And when trust grows, care improves for everyone involved.
Beyond the Birth Room: Why This Trend Should Worry Us All
This isn’t just a maternity care issue. It’s a societal issue.
This is not just a maternity care issue. It is not just about birth plans, pediatric visits, or vaccine discussions.
It is a societal issue.
The normalization of fear-based persuasion is seeping into how we parent, communicate, govern, and relate to one another.
It is changing the culture of medicine and the culture of trust, dialogue, and personal decision-making far beyond healthcare.
We are teaching people to obey, not to understand.
We are teaching people to comply, not to question.
We teach people to fear the consequences and not trust their judgment.
The longer we normalize fear as a tool of persuasion, the more we erode the foundations of personal autonomy and critical thinking.
In the birth room, it sounds like, “Do this for your baby’s sake, or you are a bad parent.”
In public health, this means, “Do this for the community, or you are a threat.”
In education, it sounds like, “Say the right things, or lose your place.”
This is not the language of care.
It is the language of control.
And it does not end at the hospital doors.
It bleeds into public policy, workplace expectations, school curricula, and social media algorithms.
We were never meant to live in a society where fear is the price of belonging or obedience is the price of being heard.
That is not informed consent.
That is not public health.
That is not a community.
That is authoritarianism in scrubs.
Or in suits.
Or behind podiums.
Or behind screens.
It is the same pattern, dressed up in different uniforms.
And if we care about real health, community, and freedom, we must be willing to call it what it is.
We have to be willing to see it, name it, and reject it, not just when it affects us personally but also when it threatens the culture we leave to our children.
Because once fear becomes normal, freedom becomes negotiable.
And freedom, once surrendered, is not easily reclaimed.
The Silence Is the Scariest Part
Here is the part that weighs on me the most, not just as a midwife, but as a person trying to exist in a world where honest dialogue feels more dangerous by the day.
We know this is happening.
Many of us, maybe even most of us, can feel the tension creeping in.
We see fear and shame being used to push ideas, policies, and behaviors that deserve honest conversation, not forced compliance.
We feel the unspoken pressure to comply, stay quiet, and pretend we agree, even when something profound in our gut whispers, “This is not right.”
You have seen it in a hospital room.
You have seen it in our politics.
You have seen it in the school systems.
You have seen it on social media.
You have probably seen it in conversations with people you love.
But almost no one is saying it out loud, especially not in a way that connects the dots across all these different systems.
Because when you do, you risk being labeled.
You risk being called difficult, extreme, misinformed, conspiratorial, or just too much trouble to take seriously.
So we self-censor.
We avoid the uncomfortable topics.
We keep things “neutral” to stay safe.
We tell ourselves it is not worth the fight.
We stay silent.
And in that silence, fear gains ground.
It becomes the new normal to:
- Avoid saying what you really believe
- Nod along when something inside you says, “This is wrong”
- Assume there is no space for nuance, complexity, or genuine questioning
- Trade honesty for acceptance, even when the cost feels steep
But that silence does not protect anyone.
It does not create safety.
It does not preserve the community.
It just lets the pressure build quietly until speaking up feels impossible.
And once honest conversation becomes impossible, true consent, real collaboration, and meaningful freedom slip away too.
If we want a culture that values consent, autonomy, and trust, we cannot continue to pretend that silence is safer than truth.
Because the longer we stay silent, the louder fear becomes.
Final Thoughts: It Starts With Us
I will be the first to admit that this article has probably felt more like a rant than a neat, polished essay. That is not by accident.
This issue matters deeply to me, not just because I am a midwife, but also because I am a human being trying to raise my family, help build a community, and live in a world where truth can still be spoken out loud.
I know that the fear tactics we are seeing in healthcare, education, and public life are not just uncomfortable; they are also deeply concerning. They are corrosive. They are changing the very fabric of how we relate to each other. And unless we are willing to name it, they will keep growing stronger, one silent nod at a time.
No government policy, hospital guideline, or viral movement will fix this for us.
The only way this changes is if we take personal responsibility.
It starts with us.
It starts when we choose to speak honestly, even when it is uncomfortable.
It starts when we ask questions, even when they are unpopular.
It starts when we treat people respectfully, even when disagreeing.
It starts when we stop accepting fear as the price of participation.
It starts when we remember that real consent, trust, and community are built by honest conversations, not threats, shame, or silence.
We do not have to scream.
We do not have to fight every battle.
We do not have to have all the answers.
But we do have to be willing to stand.
We must be willing to tell the truth, calmly and clearly, without fear becoming our master.
Because once fear defines the rules, freedom stops being freedom at all.
And once we lose the ability to speak the truth out loud, we lose much more than arguments.
We lose each other.
It does not have to be that way.
It should not be that way.
And it will not be, if we choose better, starting with ourselves.
Anyway, those are my thoughts…
— Stay Strong! Jaelin —
Additional Reading
- The Politics of Fear by Frank Furedi
- The Vision of the Anointed by Thomas Sowell
- A culture of fear and self-censorship in climate science by Maria Caffrey, Union of Concerned Scientists
- Silenced: How Free Speech Is Under Assault by Cato Institute
- Fear-Based Politics: The Psychology of Authoritarianism by Psychology Today
About the Author:
Dr. Jaelin Stickels, DPN, CNM, APRN, is a deeply passionate and highly skilled Certified Nurse Midwife and the owner of Holistic Heritage Homebirth in Houston, Texas. With over a decade of midwife experience, Jaelin has had the privilege of helping several hundred (almost 900) women welcome their babies into the world. In addition to her advanced practice licensure training, she has additional advanced training in twin and breech births, making her one of only a few with these skills in her area. Jaelin approaches every birth with expertise, compassion, and a deep respect for the birthing process.
Jaelin’s journey into midwifery began with a profound love for supporting women through the incredible experience of pregnancy, labor, and postpartum. Since 2010, she has been dedicated to walking alongside families during these transformative moments, offering guidance, support, and care tailored to each individual’s unique needs. She is a big believer in informed consent and ensures clients are given the best evidence-based information to make the best decisions for themselves and their families.
Married to her high school sweetheart Ted (aka Chef Ted) since 1984, Jaelin is the proud mother of three grown children and the delighted grandmother of one amazing granddaughter. When she’s not assisting in births, Jaelin finds joy in going to the movies with her husband, quilting, and cherishing time with her family. Known by the other midwives in her practice (Holistic Heritage Homebirth) affectionately as the “Birth Hog,” she brings an unmatched dedication and enthusiasm to her work—no one loves birth quite like she does.
Find out more about Jaelin’s Homebirth Practice (Holistic Heritage Homebirth) in Houston, TX
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