I had a dream not too long ago that won’t leave my mind. It was one of those dreams that seems too vivid to not be “real.” It spoke to me then and is still speaking to me now.
In my dream, my husband was driving a car with me in the passenger seat while our family and loved ones sat in the back. While it looked like he was driving, it felt like I was driving. We were on a high overpass, as high as a rollercoaster, and driving quickly. I looked out the window and saw a tall forest of trees below. In an instant, we drove off the edge of the road, and the trees came closer and closer into view. This was it. There would be no surviving. As terrifying as it was, my spirit was not troubled, and I calmly said, “God help us.” As we were nearing the tops of the trees, I felt the hand of God catch our car and gently set it back onto the road. We were safe. We were saved.
It’s funny to me that I wasn’t scared of the outcome in my dream. I knew God was there. I knew He had us all along. Yet, in real life, I doubt so easily. It’s like my heart knows He is in control, but my brain doesn’t trust it. Or maybe the other way around. Or maybe I just fear life being out of MY control.
Lately, I’ve been a little troubled. Join me in my vulnerability for a minute as I admit to you my imperfections. I’ve been trying so hard to maintain control of my life, my children’s lives, our home, our finances, and I feel like I have been failing miserably. Our sink always has dirty dishes, our floors are always dirty from muddy dog paws, my two-year-old is in a not-so-fun headstrong phase, and our finances aren’t where I’d like them to be. All that and so much more seem to be crumbling around me.
In all this, for some reason, I haven’t really been trusting God. I feel disconnected. I haven’t been making Him a priority. He has brought us to a place in life with so many unknowns—my husband and I both working on building businesses, child rearing, etc. I think because life seems so out of my control, I have trouble at times trusting that He is still working all things together for good.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Why do we, as moms, try to take everything on our shoulders? It seems to be ingrained in me to hold on to control in my life even though not everything is controllable by a human being. I don’t control the weather; I don’t control my children; I don’t even control how many productive hours there are in a day. This lack of control can easily turn to worry in my spirit. I find myself fixated on “what if this?” or “how can we…?” as spiritual, emotional and physical stress overwhelm me.
“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Luke 12:22-26
What I haven’t told you is my vivid dream of running off the road and out of control wasn’t just a dream. It was based on a true event that happened during the first year of marriage to my husband. Late one night, we were driving back to our home in Fort Worth from a wedding in Nacogdoches, Texas. This was during the big freeze of December 2013. We didn’t know how bad the roads were, and as we made our way to the top of an overpass, we hit ice. As we spun round and round on that overpass, I remember being calm and holding onto Josh’s leg. I said, “God, help us.” He did. We amazingly spun in a straight line all the way to the other end of the overpass instead of veering off the side. On top of that, 5 hours later, we made it safely all the way home.
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1
All of this to say, remember that God has got you. He loves you. He sent His Son to die for you, to take your place, and then to live for you! He is the only one who has control. If we could only just surrender to Him. We don’t have to be perfect at everything or keep everything in order to have value. Our worth isn’t in how many things we can manage or keep up with all at once. Our worth lies in the fact that we are safely held in the hands of the One who loves us.
Moms, you are wonderful. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are capable. You are loved.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10